*Carry coupons in my purse

*Compare prices

*TALK about prices

*Say “those damn kids”

*Get excited to go to Home Depot

*Enjoy staying home

Oh wait. I now do all of those things. Happily. Life is weird. Growing up is weirder. It’s like early 20′s me would have never went right home from work. Now sometimes, the minute I am in the door, I have my pjs on. It’s strange growing up, you see people get older, your priorites shift, draft beer suddenly makes you wasted and hungover, and you find that there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. I salute parents, I really do, it takes me eons to put away a tiny basket of clothes, I can’t imagine caring for another life when I can’t pull myself away from Diners, Drive In’s and Dives while drinking wine. I’m older, I want to spend money on house projects and new clothes. True, my biggest concern isn’t who’s going to see me out looking fly on a Saturday night, but I still look fly. And damnit, I’m still cool. I have the visible tattoos and sarcastic humor to PROVE IT. SEE? STILL COOL. Part of me wants to go to a concert and totally rage like the old days. Get sloppy, jam around and chain smoke. Maybe I will. I feel like my adult self sometimes surpresses the creative me, the creative me who lingered between chaos, late nights and welcome distractions and 1000′s of dreams. I recently was pretty down and out of sorts. I realized for the first time in my life, that I was suffering from the winter blahs, something that doesnt happen to me. This is surprising for a Cleveland resident, but we’ve had an abnormally mild winter, I’ve been wearing my Spring coat with no hesitation and I couldn’t tell you the last time I wore gloves. I think my mind missed winter. Standing in the silent darkness of the snow covered night. I liked that peace, that stillness. The walking outside and having the air suck your breath back into your chest becuase it’s so chilled. Winter wakes me up rather than hibernates me. And I didn’t have it. I like the gloomy rainy days of Spring too, but I needed the majestic dark and forthcoming rebirth of a snowy, crappy winter. I didn’t get it so my mind created it’s own darkness. It’s up to me to pull myself back, control my anxiety, or let it consume me. It’s on me. I had anxiety hit late the other night, pulled out a book on Kurt Cobain, and felt it cease. So I guess my plan is to throw myself into outlets of any kind to get myself moving, remain a COOL and interesting, yet well functioning adult without losing my mind and ending up in the mental ward. Or the other extreme, on Extreme Couponers. Thanks for reading my jumbles.

xoxo